Questions About Finding Poly-Friendly Professionals
- How can I find a friendly professional?
If you're just starting out, Lia Maria Salciccia has written an excellent article on finding a poly-friendly therapist, counselor, or relationship counselor. Also check out Dr. Charles Moser's book Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually Diverse and Their Caregivers.
- How can I know the people on your list really are going to be right for me?
You can't. While I hope this list is a helpful starting point, you should always evaluate for yourself how well a particular professional works for you. And remember, I am not Good Housekeeping or UL, I'm not a professional poly-friendly testing laboratory, I'm some guy accumulating a list that I hope will provide a useful starting point. You have to take it from there.
- What if there aren't listings in my area?
There are lots of other things you can try!
First, check out Tristan Taormino's Open List, which has a very similar charter to this list. Loving More also maintains a small list of their members who are professionals.
Many of my readers have had good experiences working from the Race Bannon's Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) listings, now maintained by the NCSF. Similarly, some GLBT folk have had good experiences with GLBT referral groups such as Gaylesta, and PridePlanners offers GLBT financial planning and may be a resource for open-minded CFPs. Other excellent resources include the Bisexuality-Aware Professionals Directory (BAP), and Fat Friendly Health Professionals.
You might also try posting to alt.polyamory, or to a polyamory-related mailing list, or contacting one of the countless local polyamory groups.
There's also a poly/kink-friendly professionals group for the San Francisco Bay Area here.
If you find another friendly professional, don't forget to let me know!
- What's does the little gold star on a listing mean?
It simply means that the listed site has provided a reciprocal link back to this site from their own. This helps identify professionals who for whatever reason are comfortable enough being affiliated with polyamory to include a link on their professional site, much as many professionals list themselves and link to GLBT professional referral sites. The star's alt text attempts to explain this as well.
- I'm trying to reach one of the professionals listed, but I can't reach them.
As I write this I've recently realized that I've been maintaining this list for thirteen years, and that a few of the listings actually date from two or three years ago. We do work to try and keep the list out of date, but it's too large to keep tabs on every professional, every day. If you notice an out-of-date listing, I would greatly appreciate you dropping me a note, just use this form (which is normally used for adding listings) and give me the important info in the comments. You don't need to fill out everything that's right about the current listing, just enough so that I can find it.
Questions About Getting Listed on PFP, and other questions for providers
- Can I recommend myself?
Of course! Click "Submit Your Listing" at the top of this page.
- Does it cost money to get listed?
No. However, as this site is run out of my pocket and personal effort, donations towards the site are welcome, particularly if you feel the site has been valuable to you in finding clients. A link to the site would be greatly appreciated, but again is not required. Sites that link here will be noted with a gold star.
- Do I have to fall into one of the listed professions?
No. The primary criterion for inclusion into the poly-friendly professional list is that the person or organization listed be open-minded about polyamory. Poly folk should be able to feel comfortable going to these professionals and being open about their lifetsyle without fear of being judged solely on that basis.
- What information should I provide?
At a minimum, we need you to provide us some idea of where you are (folks don't look for therapists, they look for therapists in our near their home town), what you do, an email address (at least for us, but you have the option of including it in your listing, an option I strongly recommend). The more ways you give your potential clients ways to contact you, the more likely they will.
I do not list particulars related to costs. This probably sounds a bit strange, but it reflects two concerns. First, that listings do go out of date, and that can leave unhappy potential customers. Second, that updating pricing happens more often than other listing changes, and that impacts my workload. This is a volunteer effort, the web site is paid for in part by referral fees from the Poly-related Book Reviews site, and partially out of my own pocket. I'm more than happy to link to sites maintained directly by a professional, those sites are an excellent place to keep up-to-date pricing information.
- Can I have my email address be somewhat protected against mail harvesting?
If you allow us to publish your email it will be cloaked, rendering a username like firstname.lastname@example.org as foo (at) gmail (dot) com.
- Do I need to ask the person being listed?
Please ask the person being listed before submitting their information. Please have them contact me if they have any questions or concerns.
- What sorts of listings do you need most?
Medical professionals are a significant need. I'd also to see like more non-US listings overall.. Any new (poly-friendly) listings are greatly appreciated!
- Can I have my listing removed?
Absolutely, for any reason, no questions asked. Send me a note through the submission form. But please be patient, this site is run by one person, and I'm often away from electronic access for up to three weeks at a time due to the nature of my business. Usually I'll be able to remove it from my site within 72 hours, often much faster.
- Where can I learn more about Polyamory?
There are several good general introductions on the web, such as the FAQ at alt.polyamory.
Great starting points are Dr. Geri Weitzman's paper What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory (based on a paper presented at the 8th Annual Diversity Conference) and Joy Davidson's outline Working with Polyamorous Clients in the Clinical Setting (at the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, v.5, 4/16/02).
Kathy Labriola has authored a book titled Love In Abundance: A Counselor's Advice On Open Relationships.
Interested professionals with academic interests might also want to look into the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.
- Why does this site exist?
I got substandard care from a previous doctor. Didn't kill me, no harm done, however, it was a wake-up call, I want a medical doctor who was comfortable with someone in a polyamorous relationship. I found what I wanted, I wanted to help other people who felt the same way. My day job involves nature photography.